Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
