her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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