Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
