I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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