The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
