there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
