How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
