This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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