So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
