one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize