Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
