You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
