I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
