Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
