Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
