well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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