I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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