The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
