Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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