I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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