You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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