Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
