I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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