dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
