did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
