I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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