I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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