There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
