There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
