Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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