fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The air taste purple.
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