i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize