PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
