Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I believe in your delicious
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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