i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
