Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
