Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
