I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
