your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Of course I have a pirate flag
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