Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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