i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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