I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
