I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
