I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
