What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You made out with two different species that night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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