but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
