i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
