Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
