Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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