He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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