if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize