You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
