i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize