I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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