seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Randomize
