Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
