I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
