giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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