dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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