I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
