The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize