Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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