I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
