I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
