I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
