This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
