I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
