Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
