Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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